


Not Enough

by Mother_North



Series: Dark Matter II [2]
Category: Figure Skating RPF, Real Person Fiction
Genre: Angst and Porn, Complicated Relationships, Dirty Talk, Dirty Thoughts, Drama, Love/Hate, Lust, M/M, No Lube, Out of Character, Post-Sochi 2014 Winter Olympics, Psychology, Rivalry, Rough Sex, Self Confidence Issues, Unresolved Sexual Tension, throwback fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-15
Updated: 2019-07-15
Packaged: 2020-06-29 02:00:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19820215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mother_North/pseuds/Mother_North
Summary: “I’ll get you,” whispers Javier under his breath, as he is watching Yuzuru’s willowy figure arched gracefully in a beautiful Ina Bauer to a dramatic musical crescendo…OrJavier wants & Javier gets.





	Not Enough

**Author's Note:**

> RPF disclaimer: this is a work of fiction and it is not meant to offend anyone. It is a product of author’s imagination only. All thoughts, actions and emotions described below have nothing to do with reality.
> 
> Enjoy...

**

Javier watches his slender figure: immaculate lines and tapered waist.

His rival, his nemesis and a constant reminder of “being not enough”.

Lately, Javier is all balled fists and bitten lips – a strong, tight string ready to snap any moment. When he is near Yuzuru he is on edge all of the time. It is easy to get eclipsed by the brightest of stars. He has let Yuzuru appear in his training place and in his life; he has let him _in_ in more ways he ever intended to.

Javier feels inevitably drawn and it is as confusing, as it is vexing.

He is drinking his traditional cup of bitter, morning coffee to have a cocky back counter triple axel thrown straight into his face, as an argument of a certain someone’s undisputable supremacy.

Yuzuru can make extremely complicated elements seem effortless; he is an inexcusable _show off_ and Javier cringes inwardly as he notices unmistakable challenge flicker in the youth’s dark eyes. At times, Yuzuru is a tease and Javier has to deal with his little, self-conscious smirks and hooded gazes on a daily basis. Javier realizes he still doesn’t _truly_ know him and the way he is acting is often a mystery behind the seven seals.

Javier is irritated.

He catches himself watching out of the corner of his eye and the peripheral vision provides his imagination with some ample food. Yuzuru’s movements are mesmerizing: a deadly dance of a flame (which, if you stare long enough, threatens to devour a piece of your bewitched soul) and Javier knows for sure it is easy to get burned, once the vigilance is dulled.

Yuzuru launches himself into a pitch-perfect quad loop this time. He seems weightless and the position of his jump axis in the air is something Javier has yet to learn. His eye twitches anxiously. Javier attacks the ice with a newly-obtained ferociousness during that practice session, not sparing his body in the slightest as sweat is pouring off him.

_not enough…not enough…not enough…_

An ugly refrain keeps on echoing in his mind on an endless loop; it is like a destructive wave that is about to engulf his self-restraint, composure and wounded dignity. Javier doesn’t intend to give up, telling himself that he has to work _harder_.

Every single evening Javier inspects fresh bruises on his hips and elbows in front of his bathroom mirror. He fantasizes of Yuzuru’s pale flesh bruised violet. He imagines his own fingers digging into the young man’s tender skin, leaving ugly marks there and a pained yelp that would follow – Yuzuru’s perfect mouth forming a perfect _‘o’_ , his enchanting, black eyes brimming with unshed tears.

Javier bites into a pillow and snarls. Yuzuru throws him off balance and it is getting harder and harder to stay immune to the intense longing gnawing at his very heart and bones. At night, Javier lies in his bed: sleepless, guiltily aroused, all hot and bothered; he is so beside himself with a maddening desire it feels absolutely pathetic.

Javier makes a solemn vow to find a remedy.

The next day _the very reason_ of his clandestine torture and inward suffering is beaming at him innocently and Javier has no choice but to smile back. Yuzuru is as lean as a rake and Javier can’t help but think of the ways he could have easily overpowered him, having him on his back with his arms and legs splayed out – writhing on the floor, bathed in perspiration and begging helplessly.

Yuzuru’s smile grows wider and Javier has a decency to blush from the corrupted images and disturbing thoughts that are plaguing his agitated mind. He lets his burning gaze travel the young man’s alluring body shamelessly. Javier desperately wants to make Yuzuru blush as well.

And his wish is granted with the gentlest shade of pink crawling up Yuzuru’s long neck. Batting of eyelashes and cutesy lip biting work magic on Javier, as he is following Yuzuru into the shared locker-room. There are other skaters in there (as expected at this hour) and the silent monologue of unspoken emotions between the two of them is nothing but intoxicating. The air is brimming with unresolved tension and Javier’s eyes linger on every piece of tantalizing, naked skin on display. Yuzuru’s slender back is glistening from sweat and Javier is dying to reach and feel, to touch and taste. He is holding his skate guards in a white-knuckle grip.

Javier practically storms off into the shower stall in need of release. Scorching water and fast-paced, skillful stroking – his aching need pouring out of him to be washed away by the running water. His mind is pleasantly blank, chest heaving, as he is struggling to get a gulp of hot-humid air. He squeezes his eyelids tightly to get rid of the accursed vision: his fingers buried in Yuzuru’s moist hair, tugging and forcing to take in deeper, as he is assaulting that sinful mouth with punishing, rough thrusts – fast and hard and inexorable.

_not enough…not enough…not enough_

Javier slaps his own face harshly a couple of times in an attempt to get a grip. It helps.

Tears are still salty on his lips and the interior of the locker-room is blurring at the edges. Javier blinks away the obnoxious moist and his face looks made of stone after several long moments of fierce inward struggle.

The flame is tamed for a time being.

Yuzuru is watching Javier’s back with sharp eyes, as he is getting dressed swiftly with numb, disobedient fingers.

*

“Are you OK?” Brian’s fatherly concern is moving and Javier manages to fake a tired smile. It looks plastered and fake perhaps, but at least he tried. 

“Yes. I am just… exhausted…Not simply tired, you know…just…burnt out. I don’t know how to put it, to tell the truth. It’s when you are trying too hard and get angry and frustrated with yourself because you are feeling helpless and… You are desperate to get what you desire at any cost and then it just slips through your fingers and you feel crushed and…devastated by the realization of something… something that is never even meant to be _real_ in the first place,” Javier is short of breath, yet he seemingly can’t stop – babbling on and on with a barely concealed extreme agitation.

Javier fears of being interrupted, at the same time sensing that he has already given away way too much, as Brian keeps on staring at him wide-eyed and sincerely concerned.

“Wait, Javi! Please! Are you talking about your skating career or..?”

Brian won’t judge, Brian won’t reprimand or laugh at him. Javier has always trusted the older man fully but in this case he knows he has to bite his own tongue before it is too late.

“That fourth place at the Olys really stings. It hurts still…” Javier’s lips twist into a pained smile. The sentiments he is sharing with Brian now about Sochi are completely honest.

“But I have to keep going, I have to move forward and continue becoming better. I’ve told you that if one of the blasted medals was mine to claim at Olympics I would have already quit.”

Javier is chewing his bottom lip, momentarily lost in deep contemplation. Brian takes the sudden pause as a sign to speak.

“I consider you a great skater, Javi. I have to confess that I often see myself in you – my younger self, I mean…. I can fully understand your competitive fire and drive, your desire to win and to work harder but…I sense that there is something else. I want you to trust me…Please,” Brian lets an exasperated sigh escape him.

“God, Javi! Please tell me what is going on with you lately! You look distracted most of the time and not your ordinary self. I don’t want to poke and pry but ever since you have split with Cortney you are different… It has something to do with your personal life and your former girlfriend, right?”

_Nope._

Javier evades looking at Brian directly, the older man’s intent gaze suddenly making him uncomfortable. He has to fight back an insane urge to shout directly into Brian’s bewildered face: “No! It has to do with _Yuzuru_! Are you blind, for fuck’s sake?!”

Instead Javier dips his head lower. There is a potent will to run away, to end this conversation as fast as possible, to put an end to the humiliating exposure of _something,_ which is better to remain dormant for one’s sanity safety reasons.

“Phew! I am sorry, Brian! I don’t know what got into me. I’ll be _fine_ ,” Javier particularly stresses the last word.

He catches a quick movement to his right. Yuzuru stops to sip some water from the bottle, standing so close Javier can sense heat emanating from his body. Before he fully realizes what exactly he is doing, his palm is at Yuzuru’s sweaty nape, soft skin beneath his fingertips making him shiver involuntarily.

Yuzuru tries to shake Javier’s possessive hand off instantly and after some initial reluctance he lets him go.

“Your quad sal is really bad today, uncle Jabi,” there is a mirthful glint in Yuzuru’s beautiful eyes and Javier can’t help but feel a powerful pull of attraction. It is daunting and he licks his lips nervously. Javier has a witty remark ready at the very tip of his tongue but the next moment Yuzuru skates away, swift as a gust of wind.

“I’ll get you,” whispers Javier under his breath, as he is watching Yuzuru’s willowy figure arched gracefully in an Ina Bauer to a dramatic musical crescendo.

Javier stays true to his word, taking his time. Javier waits.

Days and weeks go by and he feels like a predator laying in ambush. It stirs his blood, heady anticipation coiling hotly at the pit of his underbelly.

His nights are filled with violent longing and lust-crazed fantasies. Javier can’t escape the trap of his own inflamed desire. He practices with unrepressed vigour and very soon his quad salchow is something to be envy of. Javier is determined and reserved. He changes his strategy altogether, opting to mostly ignoring Yuzuru, except for the strictly necessary: “hi” and “see you.”

He is cold; the sun put out all of a sudden.

With a deep satisfaction, Javier notices that his plan is actually working. Yuzuru looks slightly wounded while trying his hardest not to show it. He is obviously intrigued in the change of attitude on Javier’s part and knowing Yuzuru’s penchant for mind games, Javier hardly has doubts that the direct confrontation is to follow shortly.

“I think we need to talk,” Yuzuru is furrowing his brow, sounding stressed and visibly irritated – exactly the effect Javier was aiming to produce.

_Mr. Perfect likes to have everything calculated and going without a hindrance according to his plans._

_Not this time around though, you little minx._

Javier tilts his head, fairly amused.

“Of course, Yuzu, as you say…Let’s go then, I guess.”

Javier turns on his heels and leads the way down the deserted corridor. It is still quite early and there are few people at the Club. He has chosen a tiny boxroom in advance. Its door can be conveniently locked from the inside which suits Javier’s purposes just fine.

Javier shoves Yuzuru into the maintenance room unceremoniously and quickly shuts the door behind them. Yuzuru is staring at him with his mouth agape, obviously struggling to find words.

Javier is dangerously close, having Yuzuru trapped against the concrete surface of the wall. It makes him lightheaded.

“I think you wanted us to speak…Well, I am all ears, Yuzu,” Javier reminds him smugly.

Yuzuru is breathing in short gasps: panic or excitement or actually a mix of both – not that Javier really cares. He is too absorbed in his own sensations right now, too wrapped up in the intoxicating feeling of having Yuzuru at his complete disposal, pressed against him – heaving and helpless.

“What it all means, Javi?!” Yuzuru is speaking with a slight stutter and Javier gives him a condescending smile.

“I bet you’ll like it if I do everything _perfectly_ , won’t you, Yuzu? And I promise that I _will_ ,” Javier traces Yuzuru’s cheekbone with his fingertip, thrilled by the tremor that runs through Yuzuru’s whole body.

He looks so impossibly vulnerable and fragile.

Javier yearns to crush him.

“You like to think of yourself as a _fucking saint_ , don’t you? But deep inside you are wicked, secretly wanting to be ruined. You can fool yourself, Yuzu, but you can’t fool _me_. ”

“Stop, Javi! Are you mad?! Is it because of _the medal_?! I have _the gold_ and you are angry because you have nothing… _Loser!_ You act like a bad loser! Let me go!” Yuzuru practically spits his words out and each of them feels like a blow to Javier.

He is boiling with rage and perceptible pique.

“Shut up!” Javier growls into Yuzuru’s ear. “Or I’ll find ways to make you shut your pretty mouth!”

Yuzuru begins squirming away and Javier grabs his thin wrists to have them trapped in a firm hold above his head. Yuzuru is pinned against the wall with the weight of Javier’s muscular body, as he finally crashes his lips against Yuzuru’s.

Their kiss is savage and it tastes of copper and despair. Javier tongue-fucks Yuzuru’s throat, shaken by the soft, wet sounds the young man is making, his long fingers digging into the back of Javier’s head painfully. Adrenaline and blinding lust are coursing hotly through Javier’s body as he yanks Yuzuru’s training pants and underwear past his knees. His heartbeat is erratic beneath Javier’s greedy lips, as he is sucking at Yuzuru’s pulse point, his hand beginning to stroke him fast and hard. Javier is demanding and unyielding in his ministrations, needing to reduce Yuzuru to an incoherent mess, nothing less would suffice him.

Yuzuru bites into Javier’s collarbone, as he comes hard with a half-strangled, hoarse cry. Javier is aching for a single touch, his erection pulsing in his pants – aching and neglected.

He is mouthing at the tender, moist skin of Yuzuru’s neck, whispering passionately.

“You came so quickly… like a dirty little whore that you are, Yuzu… starved for an experienced touch, huh? Just look at you! Have a taste! C’mon!”

Javier shoved two of his sperm-coated fingers into Yuzuru’s abused mouth.

“Suck! Do you like the way you taste, Yuzu? Do you?!”

Yuzuru did as he was told: pitch-black pupils dilated and obscenely bruised lips wrapped around Javier’s digits, sucking obediently. He looked debauched and filthy and so _gorgeous_ , Javier groaned torturously.

“Turn over,” he commanded sternly.

The need to be _inside_ suddenly became intolerable; _saliva and sweat and an ounce of blood_.

Javier tried to stay still to give Yuzuru’s body a much needed time to adjust, while desperately trying to catch his own breath, as the impossibly tight, virgin walls were clenching him in a divine agony.

He began to move slowly and carefully at first, his palm over Yuzuru’s mouth to stifle his loud cries, albeit Javier sensed he was losing control swiftly. He forgot how to think straight at all, as intense pleasure was building with every thrust of his muscular hips – first shallow and then ever so urgent and powerful.

Javier was holding Yuzuru trapped against the wall securely, biting into his nape possessively. Pure ecstasy was surging through his veins as he growled lowly, rampant and animalistic in his want.

The orgasm was blinding, tearing at Javier’s shuddering body, his vision tunneling and legs giving out, as he got down on all fours besides Yuzuru’s reclining, quivering form – utterly spent and blissed out.

_Is it finally enough..?_

Yuzuru got to his feet immediately, fixing his underwear and pants with his trembling fingers. His tear-stained, porcelain face was flushed with a mix of arousal and shame, half-hard erection still evident.

_So damn beautiful, even in his current state._

“Yuzu…” Javier croaked, reaching out to touch, his hand catching only thin air though. Suddenly, he felt completely overwhelmed.

“I…” he began, a bitter lump forming in his dry throat.

Yuzuru turned around to cast a final glance at Javier over his shoulder, his eyes impenetrable and composure steely.

“Don’t… _It is still not enough, Javi_.”

He shut the door behind him quietly as he left.

**


End file.
